A Little Lost

​You know that feeling you get when you first plug in your headphones? You get ready to be wrapped up into the music, the podcast, or whatever you plan on listening to for that time. Maybe you’re not wanting to listen to anything. Just simply plugging in to drown out the sounds around you - getting into a headspace for that situation. Whether you’re working, relaxing, or just overwhelmed and need a distraction, headphones always seem to be the go-to. In fact, it’s to the point for me that I get upset when I realize I forgot them at home. It rivals having my phone if i’m being honest. If I just throw in my AirPods I can easily pretend that I’m doing something, which can ease any social anxiety (not that I get extreme social anxiety, but you know what I mean). It’s an easy fix, which is something that is rare these days. 

That being said, I love the feeling of first plugging in. The world around you drifts away, and I almost feel like I’m in a movie. I’m the main character getting focused, getting her life together, and making healthy, life altering decisions. Is that what I actually do? Probably not. But finding songs that match my mood, allowing me to feel this way, really does motivate me to be productive. I am currently sipping on a fruity Rose at a cozy, local wine shop attempting to write a blog update. I notice though, as I have over the last couple of months, that I’m distracted and un-inspired. In fact, I think I’ve been a little lost with myself for a while. I think I know what I want, and who I am. I try to tell myself I am self-assured and love myself, even when sometimes I don’t. However, I think it’s normal to go through phases with yourself. I think we need to normalize intense feelings that can come and go. Instead of throwing pills at someone or labeling them with diseases, can’t we just realize that it is normal to go through phases of hating or loving yourself or your actions?

I know this is an unpopular and seemingly controversial opinion, but not everyone has a mental illness. Many people do, and I’m not discrediting them or what they’re going through. I do think that people are misinterpreting what it means to have mental illnesses though, and are quick to diagnosis. Why do our feelings have to have a label? In short, they don’t. When feelings become debilitating, placing a person at risk to hurting themselves or others, actions need to be taken. However, if someone is sad, upset, angry, emotional, or anything other than super happy, that needs to be normalized. It’s okay to be that way. I’m a huge advocate for therapy and wish that more people participated. I think that anyone can hugely benefit from therapy. I also think that if more people go to therapy, maybe our mental health crisis will start to deteriorate.

Bringing the conversation out of controversial topics, my mental health is a little it all over the place. Some days I’m my typical confident, happy, assertive self. Other days, I’m withdrawn, uninterested, and melancholy. Today is one of the melancholy days. I brought myself out, which really helped, but I still feel lost. I feel lost with my career, my love life, and my soul. It sounds super dramatic, and I cringe while writing it, but it’s true. Thinking about my future truly has me in a limbo. With all aspects of my life, I just feel like I’m floating in the unknown. Not knowing where to go or turn to. However, I have hope that I will figure it out. I’m not depressed about this limbo, I’m just very self-aware. Things need to change and pivot towards a long-term goal, but I don’t know what that goal is going to be. It’s scary to be in this place, but also exciting. Once I figure it out I’m sure I will be able to look back on this post and think about how silly and dramatic I was. However, right now this is how I’m feeling. I don’t want to disregard my feelings by any means and neither should you.

​With that in mind, I will sign out. Stay in mind, stay in touch, and keep carrying on.