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You know that feeling you get when you first plug in your headphones? You get ready to be wrapped up into the music, the podcast, or whatever you plan on listening to for that time. Maybe you’re not wanting to listen to anything. Just simply plugging in to drown out the sounds around you - getting into a headspace for that situation. Whether you’re working, relaxing, or just overwhelmed and need a distraction, headphones always seem to be the go-to. In fact, it’s to the point for me that I get upset when I realize I forgot them at home. It rivals having my phone if i’m being honest. If I just throw in my AirPods I can easily pretend that I’m doing something, which can ease any social anxiety (not that I get extreme social anxiety, but you know what I mean). It’s an easy fix, which is something that is rare these days. That being said, I love the feeling of first plugging in. The world around you drifts away, and I almost feel like I’m in a movie. I’m the main character getting focused, getting her life together, and making healthy, life altering decisions. Is that what I actually do? Probably not. But finding songs that match my mood, allowing me to feel this way, really does motivate me to be productive. I am currently sipping on a fruity Rose at a cozy, local wine shop attempting to write a blog update. I notice though, as I have over the last couple of months, that I’m distracted and un-inspired. In fact, I think I’ve been a little lost with myself for a while. I think I know what I want, and who I am. I try to tell myself I am self-assured and love myself, even when sometimes I don’t. However, I think it’s normal to go through phases with yourself. I think we need to normalize intense feelings that can come and go. Instead of throwing pills at someone or labeling them with diseases, can’t we just realize that it is normal to go through phases of hating or loving yourself or your actions? I know this is an unpopular and seemingly controversial opinion, but not everyone has a mental illness. Many people do, and I’m not discrediting them or what they’re going through. I do think that people are misinterpreting what it means to have mental illnesses though, and are quick to diagnosis. Why do our feelings have to have a label? In short, they don’t. When feelings become debilitating, placing a person at risk to hurting themselves or others, actions need to be taken. However, if someone is sad, upset, angry, emotional, or anything other than super happy, that needs to be normalized. It’s okay to be that way. I’m a huge advocate for therapy and wish that more people participated. I think that anyone can hugely benefit from therapy. I also think that if more people go to therapy, maybe our mental health crisis will start to deteriorate. Bringing the conversation out of controversial topics, my mental health is a little it all over the place. Some days I’m my typical confident, happy, assertive self. Other days, I’m withdrawn, uninterested, and melancholy. Today is one of the melancholy days. I brought myself out, which really helped, but I still feel lost. I feel lost with my career, my love life, and my soul. It sounds super dramatic, and I cringe while writing it, but it’s true. Thinking about my future truly has me in a limbo. With all aspects of my life, I just feel like I’m floating in the unknown. Not knowing where to go or turn to. However, I have hope that I will figure it out. I’m not depressed about this limbo, I’m just very self-aware. Things need to change and pivot towards a long-term goal, but I don’t know what that goal is going to be. It’s scary to be in this place, but also exciting. Once I figure it out I’m sure I will be able to look back on this post and think about how silly and dramatic I was. However, right now this is how I’m feeling. I don’t want to disregard my feelings by any means and neither should you. With that in mind, I will sign out. Stay in mind, stay in touch, and keep carrying on.
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Disclaimer: I know I haven't posted practically ANYTHING about my travels. In fact, I know I have been MIA for wayyyy too long even though I keep promising to update more often. Well, here's a glimpse at just one story from my trip. This is in Morocco, the second country that Rosemary and I visited way back in March. I hope you like it! As I sit here on this bustling train going from Milan to Lake Garda, my mind wonders back to the mounds of sand that make up the Sahara Desert I left behind not long ago. Within the span of about 3 days, I’ve traveled tirelessly throughout Morocco ending up in Northern Italy. However, the one night spent in the desert continues to replay itself no matter how far I get. It is an entity that words cannot describe no matter how much I think about it. With the softness of the ground and the cool breeze tickling my face, I remember how still it seemed. While there was always movement all around, the sounds were dampened and time stood still, allowing me to take in the beauty that surrounded me. Stars shone brightly displaying an array of light and patterns. The moon bathed the desert in light, reflecting off of the mountainous piles of sand creating shadows across the land. It was serene - tranquil. Earlier that evening the G-Adventures group and I had just finished dinner and meandered outside as the sun began to set. Shades of oranges, reds and pinks washed over the sand dunes as we sat outside and chatted. Shortly after, the sun was officially below the horizon, a fire was started and drums began ringing out into the night. We followed the sound and sat around listening, learning, smiling, and laughing. The music was upbeat and cheerful as the musicians encouraged dancing and singing along. Unfortunately, I am extremely unfamiliar with any Moroccan tune, but once Shakira’s “Waka Waka” was sang I joined in and some dancing began. It seemed as though many in my small group weren’t as keen on dancing as I was, but we made with due before the musicians moved on to a campsite not far from where we were. A man named Muhammad stayed behind and began chatting with us and teaching us a beat on the drums they played. His English was the best I had heard so far, so it was easier to have a conversation with him and learn more about his culture and upbringing. Not long after, Muhammad stated he was going to the campsite if anyone wanted to join. Being the adventurous explorer I am, I decided to tag along with a few others in tow. About a mile away people were laughing, dancing, and singing enthusiastically - a large cry from what our group contributed. The people brought an electricity to the once peaceful area. I danced around the campfire with these strangers to the drums and songs of the locals. It wasn’t the most eloquent dance I’ve ever done, but energizing to say the least. Once the music died down and most had returned to their tents, Muhammad and I left the joyous area only to hike up a mountain of sand. While a break was needed a little over halfway up, the strenuous climb was well worth it. The top overlooked the campsite party we crashed and the resort we were staying at. It was cloudy at that time, so the stars were hidden in a blanket of grey, but the moon shone strong, adding to the ambiance. Up on this mountain Muhammad and I basked in the moonlight, talking about anything and everything while sharing a bottle of water. Turns out, the desert isn’t as fun without it. Keeping the cap, though, can be proven difficult apparently… As the night turned into early morning hours, I was ready to begin the walk back. I watched as Muhammad floated through the sand dunes, helping me as my clumsiness made it look like i had never walked a day in my life. How he managed to make it look so easy and effortless was beyond me. Making it about halfway, I glanced up to the sky and noticed the clouds had dispersed, leaving behind the Milky Way. The view was so unbelievable it rejuvenated me. I felt enlightened and energetic, ready to stare at the sky all night. Noticing my hesitance, Muhammad sat down, beckoning me to do the same. The best thing about the desert is that anywhere you sit is on comfortable, soft sand. We spent more time talking, but mostly just looking at the beautiful night sky. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful. More endearing. The clusters of stars were brighter than I’ve seen before, and I truly began to appreciate this trip that Rosemary and I were only beginning. It’s crazy what you can discover about yourself by becoming removed from your own reality or normal. By removing myself from my routine I was able to learn more about this wide world and about myself… something I couldn’t say before. It is easy to lose sight of what matters to you and what is best for you with outside influences. Morocco really was just the beginning of a trip that I will always remember, reflect back on, and hold dear to my heart. It helped me to gain confidence, reflect on certain aspects of my life, and make decisions that overall were difficult to make. It showed me different cultures and ways of living, not to mention different ways to pack. I can’t recommend traveling enough to people, young and old. If not for yourself, to broaden your knowledge about other people and cultures. Until next time, stay in touch, stay in mind, and broaden your horizons.
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AuthorOne girl against one big world. Just a simple nurse trying new things everyday because I can! Archives
January 2024
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Photos from shixart1985 (CC BY 2.0), shixart1985
